Cassettes & Chocolate Milk

Admittedly, it has been far too long between posts. My apologies extend to those who take personal offense to this. So I should really start off by referring to my last post where I announced that C&CM would be enjoying a brief sojourn at 3RRR. Since then, I'm happy to report that readers of the blog have missed not one, but three graveyard shifts in the past few weeks. Fortunately, I've included a tracklisting to these shows in the comments so you can relive some of the show's glory. If glory is synonymous with an aural catastrophe.

Although it appears that I will always be plagued by extremely irritating perfectionist tendencies, I was just relieved that I could do live radio again. A lot of it had to do with the exploitation of my Listen Without Prejudice segment, which provided ample opportunity to play white-labelled Roxette demos. Haha. To top off the whole experience, the Programming Manager actually said you certainly have the skills to be as good as any of the broadcasters on Triple R at the moment. It's enough for any girl to develop a chronic blushing problem.

However, despite the lovely feedback, it may take up to 10 years to actually obtain a show. Clearly, this is a severely depressing reality.. but I'm more disenchanted with the prospect of no more interviews. No more ridiculous chance meetings. No more life altering deep and meaningful conversations with gifted lyricists.. and more to the point, no more realisations that many of my musicians are in fact a drug addled prima donnas with no love and little respect.

Yeah, it breaks my heart.
So that's why I want this entry to feature some of those infamous excruciating interviews that I am certain many of you have seen before. Occasionally they illustrate the extreme ineptitude of the interviewer. Sometimes they highlight the most cruel and nasty characteristics of the musicians we admire most. It is for this reason that I dedicate this post to those struggling journalists who rarely have the opportunity to deal with their raging, ill-tempered heroes. You know I love you anyway.

Noel Gallagher on Triple J, November 2005
Here, a nameless Triple J presenter adopted what I believe to be a profoundly ungrateful, disrespectful and ditzy attitude upon interviewing one of the greatest songwriters of our generation. Not only did she talk to Noel Gallagher as if he was completely musically irrelevant, but her vague and aimless questions somehow managed to successfully provoke the desired response: Noel's views of former nouveau indie darlings Franz Ferdinand, Bloc Party and the Kaiser Chiefs caused a needless and ridiculous furore, offending many and surprising few.

Peter Hook on New Zealand radio, December 1982
Many would recognise Hooky as the oft-lovely dexterous bassist of New Order.. and I always had it on good authority that Hooky would be also lovely guy to interview. Right? Wrong. In this infamous early interview with a clearly shaken and overcome radio host, Hooky becomes so difficult and snarly that it effectively wants to make you crawl inside a cupboard and forget you ever heard Bizarre Love Triangle. That's how this whole mess started in the first place.

Freddie Mercury on Rio TV, promoting Rock in Rio, 1985
The fact that Freddie can't speak Portuguese and the interviewer can't understand English makes for a profoundly disjointed interview. But obviously, awkward multilingual exchanges are inevitable when you are the lead singer of the most famously fantabulous band in the world. However, this problem is aggravated by the fact that Freddie is clearly suspicious that the interviewer is distorting his responses. In typical style, my Freddie deals with it in a way that involves a lot of wit, class and flirtation. What can I say, he's my hero.

Pete Doherty on MTV News TV, May 2005
It's difficult to narrow down one excruciating incident with Pete Doherty. As much as I love his music, his behaviour during this interview sickened a vast many of his most loyal defenders, including myself. Initially Pete refused to join his bandmates for the backstage interview after a gig in Berlin. Midway through the interview, Pete joined the band and then proceeded to squirt a syringe full of his own blood at the camera. Needless to say, his bandmates were less than impressed, promptly apologising and walking out of the interview. Charming.


You can lose a lifetime thinking of it & lose an era daydreaming like I do
Paul Weller on Swedish TV, 1981
As much as I adore Paul Weller, I acknowledge that he is pretentious at the best of times. That being said, I cannot possibly understand why this Swedish television presenter felt so compelled to ask whether The Jam was named after a condiment. After a consistent sequence of slack-jawed questions and a persistent refusal to dignify those questions with a response, Weller still stands so close to this girl that it's unclear whether he wants to jump or slap her. I don't know, you tell me.

Noel & Liam Gallagher, the Wibbling Rivalry interview, Glasgow, 1994
What we have here is fourteen farcical minutes of arguing, swearing, cussing and shouting from two indecipherable drunken Mancunians. I can only imagine the sheer panic of interviewer, Q journalist John Harris who actually had the pressure of finding some shred of coherency between the pair. Fortunately Fierce Panda obtained the rights to the recording of this interview and it was later entitled Wibbling Rivalry. The disastrous interview between the squabbling Gallaghers later became the most successful interview release in the UK charts, reaching #52 in November 1995. Similarly, Q Magazine managed to find some use for the interview and published the transcript of Wibbling Rivalry interview, much to the amusement of Britpop lovers alike.

Addendum: No really, this has to be the most awkward interview in existence.

So yeah. That's all from me.

Here are some songs for your enjoyment:
The Sounds - Tony the Beat
Kasabian - Empire
!!! - Myth Takes
Pop! - Pop! Goes My Heart
Röyksopp - Poor Leno [Silicone Soul's Hypo House Dub]
Talkshow Boy - I Know A Girl Who Spots Foxes
Space - Neighbourhood (Radio Edit)
1984 - Step On Me (Take 1, Thames Television Studios Demo Tape, 1967)
Asobi Seksu - Thursday

All my loving, Elly x